There is this church I have not been to yet, called Crossroads Covenant Church. It really isn't that new, and neither is the Common Grounds coffee house connected to the church building. I stumbled upon it one day when I was desperate for a place to relax and charge my phone.

The first time I walked in I felt bad for not ordering anything, but as I got a feel for the surroundings I didn't think they prohibited loitering. I mainly sat on a couch next to an outlet and spend an hour or so charging my phone before leaving.

The second time around I did feel obligated to buy something, and I did again have to charge my phone. Once I had my drink I wondered up to the upstairs seatting in the loft and was quite impressed with the quanitity of couches and chairs. One corner of the loft sat 2 bookshelves, one with books of course, and the other sitting beside a few couches with a meager selection of interactive entertainment games. It truly felt like a hang out place, the kind of place you can really take your shoes off and nap on the couch (although I never did nap).
While I was charging my completely dead phone I began studying the book I had checked out at the library on Excel 2007. I admit that I had a lot of distractions; it seems there were a few more people there than last time. Part of me knew I had reserved the day for job hunting, but even still without any leads I was driving blind, so I made use of my time by learning about the one Microsoft Office problem I had not much experience with. I would occasionally break my focus off the book to peer down below at the people attending to thier own business. Thats when I started feeling bothered, a little put off, and yes, even maybe bitter and jealous.
A man, no older than 35, was working on his laptop at a small table next to the window. He only had his sunglasses and cellphone sitting next to him. I was too far away to see what he was working on, and a part of me wished I had the guts to sit down at the table to introduce myself. At a bigger table I could look almost directly down on a small group of people. They had written notes and drawn diagrams sprawled on the space around their Mac laptops. As far as I overhead they were discussing details about ministry plans, but I was not quite certain. At another corner with two comfy couch-chairs sat two young women, probably in thier 20s. The cute short blond-haired woman had a small newborn baby girl. The two women were talking amongst themselves and I had got to thinking about if they knew who I was if I would be considered for their brief gathering.
Nobody bothered coming up the stairs, seems downstairs has better lighting anyway. Yet two men wondered up my way discussing something of importance as they entered a locked room, which I had assumed was only church staff accessible, yet they never once gave any notice to me. And as I sat distracted and observant, I wondered who these people were, how often they came here, how or if they were affiliated with the adjoining church, and even if someday it could be me involved in their business. The thick haze of lonely exclusion teared up my eyes a bit. There were a couple of times I felt like crying and I probably didn't look happy at all. I wonder what would've happened if they had noticed me crying and alone. Would someone ask if I was alright? Would they ask what was wrong and offer prayer-or a listening ear? Or would they be too scared to deal with some stranger's problems and go about their business, ignoring my cries? Or even still, would they simply stare and talk about me? I had decided that breaking down in public was a waste of time and emotions. There would only be a very small percent chance that anyone, Christian or not, would step up to the challenge of actually ministering to a stranger. Even though I sound negative and gloomy, I still figure that even if I had been crying it wouldn't have been noticable. I know how it can be to be so wrapped up in either personal or business agendas that you could often lose sight of what is happening around you. And it was there, in a semi-busy coffee house, that despite being in a building with lots of people, I still felt unimportant and lonely as ever.

Hi Kristen!

Wow. Through your writing, I really felt the sense of isolation you experienced. And you raise many excellent questions. In defense of all those people that surrounded you on that day, I think it's important that we take some responsibility for whatever degree of isolation we all might feel.

I know my church has TONS of ministry opportunities. All I need to do is make one call and I'll have ten people from the church calling me to discuss where I can fit in.

May I recommend that you place such a call? Sounds to me like you have a servant's heart that is just looking for right situation to serve. And in serving...in putting yourself out there to meet new people and interact with other brothers and sisters...you will find that sense of loneliness slowly be overcome by a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

Should you choose to make that call, please keep us informed of how things progress. I suspect that God has an amazing journey planned for you and I think it would be exciting to hear how He works in your life.